To imagine a more spacious gracious life for myself, I have to override my disbelief that I can have it! Inhabiting the unknown regions of my heart where I only hope I can go actually presents my fear as a squatter who has no right to be there! My fear is named “ I am not wanted”…and she is not shy about being in charge of my life! I catch her in the drivers seat when I am deflecting a compliment, being embarrassed about promoting myself, or standing in the background and not speaking up.
Risk rejection? Not me! The confusing part is when I am in my comfort zone with my competent side, and I forget that she’s still there! In scenes where I want deeper connection she is definitely present…making the risk to share myself a hurdle to jump.
When I am more interested in the person who is conversing with me, I am fascinated with what they have to say. This is not only easy, it helps me forget myself and soon I am offering my own perspective without fear. The key is to stay connected with myself and not get lost in the other person...giving them the assurance that I need to give myself. Valuing my own view while welcoming a differing view is sometimes threatening, but always enriching to broaden my world.
In close relationships, the idea that I can’t say no or I risk losing the connection is the most challenging! Knowing my own experience is real, valid and worthy of receiving starts with receiving myself. When we disagree, I can receive you when I remember you have your own soul’s journey. What you believe, feel, and know is not my responsibility. We are both at choice. I don’t have to convince you to think like me in order to maintain the relationship. This sounds so simple, but the chance to compromise your view to match your partner is such a seductive choice.
To let go of approval is the real test of intimacy. Can I be truly myself and be with you as you are truly yourself?
These are my three steady principles of showing up for intimacy.
1. Being at Peace with Myself, I can live in “ Relaxation is the key.”
2. Receiving my partner fully is an opportunity to learn that “Curiosity is the cure.”
3. Surrendering to a Higher Love makes it easy to remember “Everything is a reason to Open Your Heart.”
Persephone goes to the underworld in seduction, seeking approval, and compromising my truth. She returns to the nurturing ability to meet my own needs (Demeter) when I differentiate and listen to the other as a separate person on their own journey. Thus spring comes again in the light of being true to myself and relaxing into approving of myself. Harvest is surely in the ability to receive.
With Love, Deborah.