Some thoughts on the sequence of what happens in relationship.
We are subconsciously attracted to someone who can help us heal our childhood by being the perfect trigger of our wounds. Hopefully we have enough love for ourselves and for them to stay present on the stage we have created together until we can stand in our own power and deliver our gifts. Many times this begins as a trauma bond, where both wounds are matched perfectly to bring them to the light.
"When you can find the boundaries of your own container — your own life, your own vision — you can separate from the confusion about why the one you love the most makes you feel the worst.*
It is actually your unmet needs that make you feel bad. You are the only one who knows how and can actually fill those needs. We are led to our deeper truth through the pain of separation that we really cannot bear. Through getting aqainted with our own needs, we find our way back by coming home to ourselves.
We learn how to self soothe our own childhood wounds now that they have been exposed.
We must learn to take responsibility for the quality of every relationship in our lives, not just the one with the Beloved. Taking back our projections is a powerful act. In this way we begin to take back the projections we have placed on our inner child and just hold her in your heart. What a surprise that you don't really have the patience or the interest to sooth yourself! Self rejection is the worst rejection. We can only love to the degree that we accept and love ourselves. Without loving ourselves, we are always in projection, trying to escape our own trance of inadequacy. In this place we meet our partner's inadequate feelings and it's a stalemate.
Polarity is what creates attraction.
We have no attraction to that which is the same as us.
We merge in our pain and lose the attraction to each other. When we take responsibility (the ability to respond to our own pain), we are able to stand apart far enough to see each other. We can now move closer together or take space as we feel the need with the direction from our inner guidance.
What a blessing when we are not acting like needy little children who are seeking relief from the pain!
We are actually becoming highly desirable, with an energy that can elevate intimacy into a new level of spiritual connection. In the undeveloped version of your relationship, the ego continues to make you miserable when you don’t get what you want! When your lover just doesn't love you the way you demand, you get to find your way to self love. When you love yourself, you stand in your own power as you are sovereign and true to your divine identity.
True intimacy arises from being true to yourself.